Normal.......

Okay, so it hasn't been the best few weeks and now I feel like it is just time to get back to normal! Funny thing, Normal!!! Thank goodness normal is so different to each and every person and my normal seems just fine and dandy to me. I figure I can't do much about a lot of the crappy things that have been going on so why bother wasting my time fretting over them.....move'in on!
I think the best way to get going is to post a pretty funny story that could ONLY involve my precious little boy!! He is quite amazing.....he has made it "snow" in our kids room and just recently he made it "snow" again in our living room. I have come to know that when he is quite it REALLY is not a good thing and I must run to see what is keeping him so very occupied! The first time we experienced snow in our house was about a month ago; I was cleaning the kitchen, making some bread and loving the fact that he was actually keeping himself busy. Well let me tell you it was a pretty big shock when he showed me what was keeping him so nice and busy!! He had so nicely sprinkled an entire package of oatmeal all over the kids room! Yes it was everywhere!!!! The couch, the table and all over the floor! I looked at him and asked "What did you do?" his reply "Snow, Mommy, Snow!" Hmmm....what do you say to that? I had to laugh and when he stood there with his arms out walking around the scattered oatmeal saying "What'd you do?" I did the best thing I could, I grabbed the camera.

I obviously didn't learn that with my son silence is not a blessing! Again, I was quite into changing the kids room around and cleaning under everything, he had been playing nicely with his blocks right there by the steps. I know he just waited for me to turn my back and he made his move, ever so quietly. The phone rang and there he appeared phone in hand looking mighty dusty! My first response "What did you do?"....... again his answer "Snow, Mommy, Snow!" He took my hand and showed me the white covered living room. You can just guess what he had used, I'll give you a hint - it smelled like a baby in there!! Yup, powder.....EVERYWHERE!!!!! Both couches, the chair, the table, the saddle, the bench, the side tables.....the bathroom. Wow did he cover some ground in only a few minutes of unsupervised bliss! I had to laugh just to stop myself from crying, you see I had just finished cleaning this room. How can you really get mad at such a cute little kid, he probably knew he shouldn't be doing what he was doing but he didn't know why!! Right??? Sure we will just believe that. He is cute and he sure is funny. Gotta love him for bringing the snow inside with out making it freezing cold in there.

The Things We See.......

I just have to get this off my chest, actually more like get it out of my chest....it is sitting heavy on my heart! I say that because it is causing such a ache that I just need to say it to really feel it and then move on. It may be all over the place and I promise I will do my best to bring it all into focus in the end! I was at the bank today, sitting at the drive through window with the kids all busy with each other. I watched a young man walk into the bank, I know him or you could say I know of him. I had known him from his job at our local Mobil gas station, he was the most polite 17 year old I had ever met, just the nicest kid. He always answered and asked a question with "Mam" and always finished one with "Thank You" and he was always sincere. My husband knew him a little better than I did and he had talked to him about all his dreams and aspirations. He had plans to go to collage and maybe even the military. He just seemed so responsible with such a bright future. He still has a bright future ahead for him, just not the one he planned I am sure. I remember going to the accident, my husband had forgotten his coat and called to ask me to bring it up to him. I had asked him on the phone how bad it was, he really didn't say much. I know him.... if this is his reaction than this is one that he is deeply bothered by. I was pregnant with my youngest daughter at the time so I didn't get too close to the scene, but I could tell from the fury around the car it wasn't good! Life-star was landing as they were working to get him out of the mangled mess of car that was wrapped around the tree. It was the young man from the Mobil station. That young vibrant kid with the hazel eyes that just always struck me for some reason. You know, those people that come into your life for some reason or another and they just "stick".....they just "stick"! He made it through the car accident but he had suffered massive head injuries, non the less he had made it. He always smiles and loves to visit, it seems like he just likes to be around people. Well, it was him at the counter I could see him through the big window, a perpetual smile on his face and just happy to be chatting with someone. I could tell the bank teller was becoming annoyed with him as he sheepishly pulled rolled coins from his pocket and then finished up with a handful of loose coins. She counted them, then turned to the manager and showed him the coins, I assume she was asking permission to take them in trade for bills. All the while he stood waiting with a smile trying to make small talk. I am always asked how I would like my bills when I go to the bank, he was not offered that option, so when he asked for smaller bills I could see the tellers patience was being tested. She put the money on the counter and promptly turned away, leaving him standing there "Thanking" her back. I did get tears in my eyes and I so wanted to tell her his story as she apologized for the wait. I knew I would not be able to get through without becoming a sobbing mess, so I left it alone. It has bothered me all day that we have become such a complaisant society, that we don't care to know each others story. That we are so very busy with our own lives that we can just dismiss one another without a second thought. His pure innocence and desire to please the very people who become annoyed with the simplest requests are so very disheartening to me. It makes me see how far from simple human kindness we have come. Are we really so self-consumed and busy that we have pushed the good aside to make room for everything else? I am sad that "goodness" is such an endangered moral in this day and age. I see a lack of it even in my children and I don't know how to teach them different. They see so much of it every day of their lives....from T.V. shows, to other children at school and even in the games they play. I will do my best to instill in my children empathy and that simple kindness makes a better world. I am thankful to be surrounded by all the wonderful people in my life, new & old friends. They help remind me every day that there are people who still believe in the importance of knowing each others story. Sometimes all you need is a hand.....to hold or just resting on your shoulder.....sometimes all it takes is a smile ....... a minute, just sixty seconds worth of listening.....just to be looked in the eye and heard......simple and easy! Thank you to everyone who still makes an effort to make a difference in someones life, just because it is the right thing to do!

Looking Ahead......

I had been feeling a little lost, now that I have had some time off from my baking! I have been filling my notebook full of new recipes I want to try. I have been chatting with so many wonderful and generous people. I had the best brunch with my girls and the little guy on Saturday at Zest. I had a meeting with Carrie the owner there about possibly using her kitchen for my baking. She was so very nice, like a girlfriend I had know for years. I felt so welcome at her beautiful restaurant, I will surely return for another amazing crepe. I have also been in touch with another wonderful women in Pomfret, a little town about 25 minutes from my home, about opening a shop in her building. This isn't just another building of shops, it is a beautiful old federal home surrounded by beautiful gardens that has been a quaint little shop for years called "Martha's Herbery". Her shop is filled with an eclectic assortment of trinkets. Beautiful jewelry, clothes and those one-of-a-kind gifts that every one would love to receive. So, I have this opportunity to be a part of this little destination and I am so very excited about it, but I am still so hesitant! I guess I am worried that the children are still so young to be away from them six days a week. I am worried about their school vacations and where they will go. I know the older ones can come to the shop and help me out when they are not in school, but what about my little ones? Hmmm......so many conflicting feelings! so here is my question to all of you; the rent is an amazing amount, the location is beautiful and my little area is perfect - I have five children, my children are still young and I will be a half-hour away from home? I am looking for your advice on this one.......
So with all this positive energy, I am feeling very optimistic lately. I may be able to pull off more than I thought I was capable of. I have some wonderful people in my corner and they are willing to help me out with open arms. I have a great family who will support me in any venture I choose and five beautiful children who make the world go round! Looking ahead, no matter what happens, life is Good!

Sincere Gratitude.........

A New Year......so many resolutions, a new outlook, and endless possibilities. Why is it that I am sitting at my desk with such a heavy heart, so very full of sadness. We are not even one week into this new year and I feel surrounded by upheaval. This little bakery that I hold so dear to my heart may be in jeopardy! Issues with local departments that do not make any sense to me considering they were the very first people I contacted when I set out on this journey! I have a State License, doesn't that "trump" the town? Hmmm.....I am so full of questions but do not really know where to get the answers. I guess the easiest way to sum it all up is that I am in desperate need of a new kitchen, which is not an easy thing to find! I had looked and have been looking in the past year for a new location. I love the kitchen I have but it was lent to me as a favor, a gesture of kindness and now the demands that are being placed on the owners of this kitchen leave me with my mouth agape. I do not bake everyday, just once a week. Granted I bake from sun-up till sun-down on that one day and of course the holidays make for a bit crazier schedule. The nice thing about this lovely kitchen of mine is I was able to use it when ever I wanted, no questions asked no explanations needed. I fit it into my schedule, I did not have to work my schedule around specific times or days! I just cannot in good faith put my kitchen owners through this craziness that is being asked of them. This battery of requirements and tests for permits that were never disclosed at the beginning. I had figured that when I asked the question "What else do I need to do, step by step?" I would have been told at that moment not two years later! I have customers, I have loyal patrons who look for ME at the market and at the stores I sell to! It is a stabbing feeling to even imagine loosing those people, but even more terrifying is the thought of not being able to be part of the most amazing group of people at the Coventry Farmers Market. They took me under their wing and gave me the courage to take that first step, that leap of faith. I have always known that no matter what they have always had their hand on my shoulder, supporting and cheering for me.
I feel like there has to be a positive through all of this. I am a firm believer that people come into our lives for a reason, whether it is good or bad there is always a reason. I am finding that through the farmers market I have found some of the best people. I have received more support from these people over the past few days and I am still in awe. It is a connection, a bond that is created with people that see the same things as you, they understand and you feel like you fit. I have found that in the people I have known and worked beside over the past two years and all of the amazing CRFM followers. I received an email from a wonderful amazing women whom I had the pleasure of working with, and this is what she wrote "I still have faith that 2010 will bring good things. I really believe everything happens for a reason, only to bring us some opportunity in our future that we maybe weren't expecting." I will be repeating that over and over in my mind because the complex simplicity of her words will lead me in the correct direction to the next path that will continue this journey.
I will keep you all my friends posted and I appreciate you all more than you will ever know. I will still be baking because it is what I love, my passion; unfortunately I just cannot bake in my little approved commercial kitchen which is a stated requirement to attend the market. You will just have to stop in for a cup of coffee and a scone as a guest and not a customer. I am not giving up my search for another kitchen so keep your eye out for me, I may surprise you sometime soon. I will still be here and I will try and be more regular with my posts. Maybe I will try and do a recipe once a week??

Sincere Gratitude.........

Goodbye & Hello..........

This is the time when we all say goodbye to a year gone bye and hello to the new year just beginning. We set expectations and goals we want or need to reach in this new year. Some are simple but most will require some strong will to accomplish. We refelct on all the things, good and bad, that we have endured for the past twelve months and assess the accomplishments of our set expectations from the previous new year. How did we do as far as reaching those goals and which ones will we continue or carry over into this new adventure?
I look back at the time and I have a hard time believing that there is any way that it all happened in just one single year! I find that the changes I see in my children are the most astonishing....... When did they get so big? When did they learn how to do that? I realize that there are huge chunks of time that escape my mind or are they just tucked away for later reflection. When my children have families of their own and we are not so busy, will these lost treasures surface to fill my days with smiles and laughter? When the house is quiet and calm and there is no one to chase after, will these memories fill the house with quiet chaos?
I am going to believe that is what will happen and with that in mind I am making a few resolutions that will help fill that treasure chest to the top, brimming with happiness to spare. I am going to center myself and accomplish the things that have eluded me for many years. I will continue to eat and feed my family the best organic and local foods I can find. I will make our home healthy, happy and continue to build a bond between us that will never fail. I want to make all the memories I can this year and for all the years to come. I want to slow down and really see my children grow and change. I want to play more with them and spend quality time with them. I will spend one-on-one time with each of them, something I have tried to do but find it has been difficult to do with five children. They need that special time and I intend to insure that happens. I want my children to know they can always count on me to be there for them, now and when they are adults. Without a strong sturdy foundation a family can fall apart very easily and I love my family too much to live on a crumbling foundation. My husband will not be taken for granted, a very easy trap to fall into. He works hard to give us all the things we need and all the things we have. He loves his children with such strong conviction that you can sometimes see his knuckles turning white as he holds onto the precious time he gets to spend with them. He is a good man, loyal to the core and I am lucky God has placed him in my life to share all of this with.
So, my resolutions for this new year and new decade are to enjoy time with my family and to not take one single second for granted. I want to love them with all my heart and fill every space within my soul with pieces of them I can keep forever. The rest will all fall into place without requiring too much of my time or effort. My family........My Resolution.

Stay happy, healthy and centered - Happy New Year!